Sometimes the darkness comes

Isn't it funny how we can turn on a sixpence?

I've not had a bad day - been busy - earned some money, had a nice dinner with a friend.

And then the evening comes and the darkness descends, actually and metaphorically.

Probably I'm just tired, but right now I'm feeling vulnerable, scared and tearful.

I've been full of doubt recently; my life has gone through some changes, so this is probably a natural reaction. Often it's fine, my pride in my own courage is just one of the things keeping me buoyed up.

But then there are the times like now. Have a made the right choice at the right time? What happens if it all goes wrong? Will I recover from disaster?

I know, this is self-indulgence. My biggest fears are growing in the darkness. Perhaps I should try to sleep before they take me over.

May confidence find me by morning.

Whimsical Memories

Yesterday, I happed to drive past my old school at finishing time. For many people this may be an everyday occurrence, but I live approx 50 miles away from where I grew up, and although my Dad is still near, I'm not usually around on a week day at a quarter to four.

It's funny the memories and feelings that went through my mind.

The building is still the same, but the uniform has changed (I would have killed for a v-neck sweater when I had to wear a crew-neck). As I watched the kids walking along in groups, waiting for their buses and trying desperately to be "alternative" and nonchalant. I couldn't help but smile. I was one of those girls, with band names written all over my school bag, books covered in wallpaper and a desperate desire to fit in by being different.

When I went around the corner, I saw another sight that was different from my schooldays, but yet the same. On a streetcorner (coincidentally the street where I used to go for piano lessons). was a crowd of about 15 girls from my old school, and about the same number of boys from our brother school. (This corner is approximately equidistant from those two august institutions). Some of the kids/teens were chatting, and flirting. On the edges of the group the other kids, the ones more like me, were hanging around. Perhaps jealous, perhaps bored, but unwilling to leave without their more popular mates.

For most of the way home, this song was in my head.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zPPi58K6wZs



Perhaps, it should have been "I'm glad I'm not young anymore"!

Oh, the shame

So, I'm putting together some Christmas Patterns (yes, I know it's only October, but this is for promotion and therefore needs to be early).


I wanted some find some dark green yarn for some holly leaves.

I couldn't find it anywhere. In the end, I got all of my stash and stacked it up on the bed.

I had to leave the room for a moment. I suggested to best beloved that if he wanted to see something horrible, he should look in the bedroom. He gave me a puzzled look, to which I could only reply "my name is Lahlah, and I have an addiction problem".

Here's the proof.

So - this is why I'm NOT going to Ally Pally this year.


I managed to find some dark green. In all of the above, I had two small balls of it - about 15 - 20g each. Unreal!


Still enough to make what I wanted though.










Happy Holidays!

Sleepy

strikes me that bourbon creams have soporific qualities. Even with the caffeine in the accompanying cup of tea, after two biscuits, I could happily push my keyboard to one side, put my head on my desk (storytime at primary school style) and have a little sleep.

This was worrying me greatly – I even went to my local Lloyds pharmacy and got myself tested for diabetes, but that was all absolutely fine (thankfully).

I’ve always had the problem that ridiculously coloured and sugared sweets at lunchtime leave me catatonic (no, not literally, obviously), but a couple of biggies with a 10 o’clock cuppa shouldn’t be doing this, should they?

Of course, it doesn’t help that I’m at work and automatically bored. This is what has led me biscuit-ward in the first place.

Teaching and....stuff

It's been pointed out to me that it is many weeks since my last post. I cannot deny it or disagree. However, I have been a very busy girl.

In the last few months, I appear to have developed what I like to call my "bo££ocks of steel" as I now seem to be much less fearless than I used to be. Okay, that's not much, and by most people's standards I'm still a big girl's blouse, but in comparison with a couple of years ago, I have developed a new attitude. Or, as my friend Bea said to me "so what you mean is, you're motto is now "oh **** it"?".

I apologise for the strong use of pound signs and asterisks, but this is no time for weakness!

Basically, Bea is right. I've taken the view that, for example, my book won't get published sitting on my hard drive. Nor will my knitting patterns, or anything else for that matter.

Thus, in this frame of mind, some months ago, I went to a lovely new yarn shop in Eastbourne, run by the equally lovely Kirsty and George.

Despite supposedly going "cold sheep" and not buying any yarn this year, I treated myself. To be honest, an Addi 4mm in bamboo and a ball of sock yarn (not for the same project.... although......) is hardly reckless spending, but I still shouldn't have.

However, I'm digressing. While paying for my new bits of gorgeousness and chatting to the lovely Kirsty, my wotsits of steel made an appearance, as I asked if they would be running any workshops and then I said something along the lines of "I'm thinking more teaching than learning". I mentioned my Let's Knit successes, and Kirsty was very keen on the idea.

To be honest, my wotsits then disappeared, because despite the fact that I've been knitting for 37 years, and have trained probably hundreds of people to do loads of things over my working life, I've never actually taught anyone to knit before. I did explain this, but they were still up for it.

So between then and now we've been putting together workshops and the last Sunday in June was our first one. We were hoping to run two; "Introduction to Fair Isle Knitting" and "Introduction to Crochet" but we only had takers for the second one (hey, it's new, it's summer, we're not going to worry, yet).




The good folks came along, and were of mixed abilities, but all went away knowing how to do a chain stitch and a treble stitch (we were making granny squares).

It was fun!

Bizarrely, at Knitting Group this week, someone else wanted to learn to crochet, so, full of my usual cockiness, I tried to show them.

Maybe it was them, maybe it was me, but it was certainly less successful. We're going to have another go next time, but I was so glad that this was after the workshop and not before - I'd have been a wreck!

That's enough drivel for now. I'm still only about 2,000 words in on the next novel, and haven't written anything (except lots of patterns for the workshop pieces) for weeks, but I hope to be back "in the saddle" soon. (Bad choice of phrase - there can't be a worse place to write!)

I have put together a couple of stitch samples (one knit, one crochet) which I've emailed to a couple of editors - we'll see if anything comes of it. That'll make three things out at the moment. It would be great if they were all go-ers, although I don't want to have to make them all at once!

Keep those needles and hooks clicking and those pages turning.

Home Knitting - amusing update

So, my best beloved came home from playing golf, and asked how my day had gone.


"I've run out of yarn". I said, guessing that he meant the home knitting, as he knew that I wanted to get it finished today.

The look on his face was something between terror and disbelief. I had to reassure him that I was only talking about the leaking cashmere, not my stash. Man, I will never run out of yarn from that, having reach SABLE (Stash Acqured Beyond Life Expectancy).

Made me smile.

Home knitting - just say no

Unless you are a champion speed knitter, don't do any home knitting - it's just not worth it!

• They pay £37 for a sweater - it's intarsia - it took me 1 1/2 hours just to sew the ends in.


• It's, quite possibly, the ugliest sweater in the world (but in cashmere and mohair - who pays hundreds for this stuff?)


• The yarn is leaving its dye all over my hands - I look like a negative of the black and white minstrel show


• They didn't send enough bloody yarn! So I was thinking I'd get this finished today (and was doing my usual trick of knitting faster because I was running out of yarn), but couldn't do it. I've got about 35 rows of a sleeve to do, so it won't take a huge amount of time, but man am I p-d off!

Pattern published

My second published pattern appeared this week.

(picture as it appears in Let's Knit! Magazine)

This has caused some hilarity, as my original idea was for the buttons to go at the back but still, I know about knitting, not children.

Writing

I've started work on the next book (working title Scattering). Not much written yet, but positive responses from my writing group on reading the first 1500 words, so that's all good.

Life

Tired - too much bloody knitting! Let me qualify that - too much unsatisfactory knitting of horrible patterns for no reward. There, that's better.